Anne B. Norton Psy.S., L.P.C. , Psychotherapist and Coach
Does your partner exhibit Narcissistic traits?
Could he or she have Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Take this survey to find out
If you answer YES to more than 3 of these items, you may be with someone who is not be treating you as well as you deserve. For resources about Narcisssism, click here.
- Are you the giver, and s/he the taker in the relationship?
- Do you wonder if s/he genuinely cares or loves you -as their actions don't support their words?
- Does s/he tend to be unemotional, or have an insufficient range of emotions? Does she lack empathy?
- Does he seem to lack ability or interest in connecting with others?
- Does she not seem to understand basic feelings?
- Do you sense your partner expects you to take care of the details of adult life for them? Do they feel entitled?
- Are you hesitant to talk openly about your thoughts and feelings with your partner? Why?
- Does she resist deep conversations about feelings, or things that are important to you?
- Do your friends and family seem unable to connect with him?
- Does s/he talk mostly about himself, or topics he is comfortable and knowledgeable about? (must be the seen as the expert)
- Does she ask many questions about you or your day? Does s/he listen and respond to your answers, or is she waiting for the right moment to talk more about himself or herself?
- Have you noticed lack of contact between your partner and his family? Have you attempted to verify the reasons- with the other party?
- Does your partner have no or few long-term friendships?
- Does this bother you? (it should, despite how he justifies it) .
- Is it possible there is more to him or her than you know that others may sense or know? ( addictions, other partners, secrets etc.)
- If he was previously married, or in a long-term relationship have you met the ex? The children? If not, why not? Do you sense your partner is not telling the truth about them? Does he try to hide the children from you? Can you contact them yourself?
- Does she or he make sure you won't meet the children or exes? Why? Why haven't you? They may have important information for you.
- If you disagree, are you able to talk things out respectfully? (Or, does he rage, put you down, blame you, or use other manipulative techniques to avoid responsibility for his actions or inactions. Narcissists cannot accept anything resembling criticism)
- Is everything always someone else's fault, never his? Can he genuinely admit when he has done something wrong, sincerely apologize and correct his actions? (Narcissists cannot be wrong)
- Can she take criticism? Or, does she rage, or maybe say ` I know, I'm just a worthless person" (manipulation- no genuine remorse, cannot take criticism)
- Is he reluctant to `drop the mask' and just be authentic?
- Must she always be `on' as if an actor on a stage?
- Does he think, or talk/behave as he is better than everyone else? ( Narcissists believe they are superior)
- Does he belittle groups of people? Friends, family, coworkers?
- Do you think he is superior to you? If yes, Why? Was s/he the `golden child' in the family?
- If you challenge his opinion, must he have the last word?
- Is everything she does ultimately about her desires and convenience, with no regard how her behaviors affect you, or others?
- Does she have a high need for privacy? Why? What is she hiding? Do you have his passwords? ( Narcissists have many secrets)
- Do you have full access to all financial accounts? Why not? What happens if you ask? (Secrecy is essential to Narcissists)
- Does he insist on getting the mail himself? (Why? What is he hiding?)
- Do you find that you are taking care details of her life? Does he expect it- because he is too unique, above it all, or `busy' with 'more important' things? ( entitlement)
- Must she /he always be right?
If you answer YES to more than 15, ask yourself why you are with this person. Read books and blogs about Narcissism. See a therapist if you can.
Don't disregard your inner voice. STOP making excuses for his or her behaviors. Ask your family & trusted friends for their honest opinions about your partner. They may have concerns. If you can, bring this up with your partner.
If your partner blames you, lies or denies these behaviors, you likely need to step out of the relationship to get some distance and perspective.